Setting Healthy Boundaries

February 8, 2022

Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries are very important forms of self-care. You deserve a healthy space and privacy, and it is your right to set limits with everyone around you. Setting boundaries is not selfish, it is essential to maintaining your mental wellness.

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are limits or rules that help to protect your well-being. Your boundaries will often differ from person to person depending on your relationship as well as your surroundings. By setting healthy boundaries, and ensuring that people respect them, you are taking care of your mental health; Boundaries are lines in the sand that you draw to help yourself feel safe and secure.

Here are some different types of boundaries that you could set:

Physical- You get to decide who touches you and how. You also get to say who is allowed in your personal space. Here are some examples of what you can say to set physical boundaries.

“Please don’t sit so close to me.”
“Please don’t touch my hair.”
“It makes me uncomfortable when you touch me.”

Emotional- You get to decide what thoughts and emotions you share. You have a right for privacy, and you don’t have to share anything that you don’t want to. Here are some examples of what you can say to set emotional boundaries.

“I’m not comfortable talking about that.”
“I’d rather not share how I feel about that.”
“Please respect my privacy.”

Sexual- From physical acts to comments and innuendos you get to decide if something makes you uncomfortable and what you are ready for. Here are some examples of what to say to set sexual boundaries.

“That is not something I’m comfortable with.”
“I would like to slow down.”
“Your sexual jokes make me uncomfortable.”

Financial- You get to decide how you spend your money and whether or not you loan/give it to others. You also don’t have to tell others how much money you have or what you have spent it on. Here are some examples of what to say to set financial boundaries.

“I’d rather not buy that.”
“I’m not comfortable talking about money.”
“I’m not comfortable loaning money.”

Religious- You get to decide what customs you keep and what you share about your religious beliefs with others. Here are some examples of what to say to set religious boundaries.

“I don’t eat that due to my religious beliefs.”
“I’m not comfortable talking about religion.”
“I’m not available at that time, I’ll be at a religious service.”

Digital- You get to decide how much time you spend online, what you share online, when you’re available, and what access you give others. You have the right to protect your privacy. Here are some examples of what to say to set digital boundaries.

“I’m not comfortable posting that picture.”
“Please don’t touch my phone.”
“I won’t be available to FaceTime then.”

Steps for setting and maintaining boundaries

Self-Reflection

Looking inward is a good place to start. Some boundaries will be obvious, but others may be more subtle. Decide for yourself what makes you comfortable and what crosses the line. Think about why you want to set boundaries. Is it because you want to focus on your mental health? Is someone hurting you? It is important for you to think about what it is.

Evaluate your Relationships

No one is perfect so it’s likely that your loved ones will make mistakes and cross your boundaries. When you communicate your boundaries clearly with them this will hopefully occur less, and your loved ones will try harder to not cross your boundaries in the future. However, there may be people in your life who will not respect your boundaries and you may want to evaluate whether that is a relationship that you want to keep in your life. Cutting toxic relationships out of your life is never easy but it may be necessary for your mental and physical well-being.

Communicate

Once you recognize what your boundaries are and who you want to set them with, be sure to inform them that you are setting a boundary. Think of this as a very informal resume of your emotions. For example, when your friend makes a comment about your hair, saying “Please stop telling me I should cut my hair.” The beauty about you setting your own boundaries is that you get to tell people as little or as much as you want. If you are feeling comfortable you can try saying something like “I don’t like when you say things about my hair. It makes me feel like you don’t think I am pretty. I would appreciate it if you stopped.”

Be clear and direct with the people in your life about the boundaries that you need to set. Don’t feel like you have to go into a lot of detail explaining yourself. You have the right to determine what makes you comfortable.

Be Consistent

Once you’ve set your boundaries be sure to hold people accountable for sticking to what you have asked. Letting your boundaries change and shift all the time will lead to your loved ones not knowing exactly where your limits are and in turn, they won’t know how to respect them. Make sure that when you set a boundary with someone that they know that it is important to follow them. Boundaries without accountability aren’t as likely to be followed.

Get Support

If you need help setting boundaries, get support from a parent, trusted adult, therapist, or support group. If you need someone to talk to you can also call the Ohio CareLine at 800-720-9616 or text ‘4HOPE’ to 741-741 to reach professional help. Both options are free and confidential!